Gratuitous Belly Pics: Fifteen Weeks

Isn't it funny how I would die from embarrassment to show my belly just a few months ago, but now I'm sticking it out like a diamond engagement ring?

Anyway, here I am at fifteen weeks:





Of course, Goji got in on the action. Total camera whore.



I swear, this belly popped out overnight Sunday. Last week, I was wearing size 6. Now, my old size 10 dress slacks are snuggish. This parasite is undoing almost a year's worth of Jillian Shred and ab work in a matter of days.




Kinda cool, tho.

So, yeah, about that...

I guess I reached my 100 lb. mark? Wow, who knew. I'm still trying to get used to this new flesh suit, seeing bones and clavicles and veins and wrinkles I never saw before. A mixed bag of "aahs" and "ewws." Yet, I just never stopped to think how far I've come.

You know the old adage, never look back? I call bullshit on that. Looking back is the injection we sometimes need to keep moving forward. This past Monday, MizFit posted a neato article on the overlooked strengths of looking back and celebrating past accomplishments. And it got me to thinking the rest of the week about my past...my fatso past. Don't get me wrong. I was happy even in my fat suit. Life doesn't stop simply because you're carrying around a little extra baggage. So, I didn't stop having fun, didn't stop lovin', didn't stop living.

But, all of this talk about looking backward came to a head tonight while I was coming up with ideas for a retro dress to wear at a cocktail party that Bobzilla and I are hosting in a couple weeks. While brainstorming tonight, I came up with the retard idea of wearing my old prom dress to the party. I fetched it from storage and tried it on. To my surprise, the cheap-ass hooker dress fit. Junior size 11 and it fit. Granted, the zipper was a little tricky in some parts, but it fit. I am slackjawed still. Not just at the fashion sensibility that was 1987 (junior prom), but that I fit my near-middle aged ass into it. Whoa.

In anticipation of this blog, I dug up our old prom picture. But then I found a pre-wedding picture that I remembered being especially embarrassed about because I looked so "fat." Here's that pre-wedding photo, circa 1994:



A couple years ago, I would have been grateful to be back to that weight, I had gotten so much bigger. Yet, even at the time that pic was taken, I was so ashamed, I wouldn't show it to anybody. I kept it on the fridge to remind me not to overeat. *snickers*

Yet, that picture apparently was not motivation enough, because I got much, much bigger. Here's Bobzilla and me from about 4 years ago:



My, aren't we the picture of health?

Here's a really flattering shot:

(and yes, my hair was really that long. It doesn't take a PhD to figure out what I was unconsciously trying to hide with all that hair...and cigarettes...and large clothing).

Oh, I have so many more very embarrassing pics, but let's not drag this out.

About those prom pics....Here's Bobzilla and me circa 1987:

And here I am tonight:

K. This should keep me motivated for a little while longer.

As you probably noticed from the sidebar...

...there are updates!

This weekend, I went shopping for new stuff as planned. And, yup, I'm definitely a size 12 now. I tried on a pair of Levi's, size 12, and they just slid right on with some room to spare. I have not worn Levi's since 1994. So, yeah, I got them. And this outfit, which was CHEAP because it was on sale. Ain't no way I'm spending a lot of cash when I'm still in transition:

If it sounds like I'm cocky and narcissistic, I am. This whole weight loss thing has made me more self-aware than at any other time I can remember. And for once, I'm not ashamed of what I see. I was so happy in the dressing rooms, I was taking cell phone pictures of myself. And to not have to shop Lane Bryant or the Women's section? To walk into The Limited or H & M and actually fit in that stuff? Surreal.

And Kristi? I got those running shoes. Check it!:

And they are about the ugliest things ever. Pink, white and silver. *gag* Really, has anyone seen the crazy color palettes for women's running shoes lately? It's insulting. They must think we all still have stuffed animals on our beds and Tiger Beat posters on the walls. There is a market for badass looking running shoes--the right designer just needs to tap into it.

But, looks aside, these are some comfy shoes. I never realized how much support a friggin' shoe can give you, after years of wearing sandals. They will be perfect for the asphalt trails around my home. With the new MP3 armband Bobzilla got me, I am set. Watch...I'll start posting my crazy workout playlists. It will be insane.

This is perfect timing. Our PS3 is about to take a dump because it needs a new graphics chip. We have to send it back to Sony for repairs and wait 3 to 4 weeks, which means I'll temporarily be without Little Big Planet or Ratchet and Clank to keep me going on the bike. Oh noes.

Demystifying Weight Loss

You would think that since it took me 3 years to get to my 160's, that this weight loss trip has been hard. But it wasn't.

Easy? No.

But difficult? Eh, not really.

The concept of weight loss is simple and pure: Burn off more calories than you consume.

There is no magic diet, program, DVD or self-help book that is going to change the basic game plan of weight loss. You simply have to watch what you eat and exercise.

So, why did it take me 3 years to get to this stage? Attitude. I just didn't want it bad enough. I didn't want to, for instance, put down that 2nd and 3rd glass of wine. I didn't want to get out of bed an hour earlier in the morning to ride a bike.

This all changed for reasons more thoroughly explained here and here.

But trust me, there was no grand epiphany. The heavens didn't shower golden light down on me and angels didn't sing in chorus when I figured out what I needed to do. I didn't go to hypnotherapy. I didn't have my brain scrambled.

When a solution is presented to you that is plain as day, there are only so many ways you can react to it. To kick and scream and agonize and resist is more exhausting (emotionally) than the solution. Really, the path of least resistance is to just do it. And so I just started doing it.

I got up an hour earlier and started exercising. I didn't always like it, but I did it.

I cut back the drinking and watched what I ate. Nothing complicated. I didn't deny myself foods I liked. I just didn't indulge in the same quantities. When you give yourself some slack, and allow yourself to have what you want in moderation, there is not much of a tendency to binge. In any event, I wasn't punishing myself.

Many people call weight loss a "struggle" or "battle," like it's some major foe to be fought. Quite frankly, that is B.S. Moving for an hour a day is not a struggle. Yes, I sweat and breathe hard. But it's not struggle. I don't feel like I'm some warrior fighting Orcs when I can *only* have one bowl of chocolate raspberry truffle frozen yogurt a night. Oh dear.

When we use this kind of rhetoric, it wreaks psychological havoc on the brains of others who want and need to lose weight. See, I also thought it was really hard in the beginning because that's what so many people say. So I put off what I thought was going to be a war with my ass and my fridge. It terrified me. And when we use these types of words to describe our experience, then what kind of message are we sending to others who are trying to lose weight?

Does weight loss require discipline? Oh sure. Like I said, I didn't say it was easy. But it is no harder than 90% of the other things we do every day. Those tedious, tiresome, soul-sucking things like jobs, child care, chores and taxes. The difference? With diet and exercise, we are taking care of ourselves, remaking and remolding us in ways that a plastic surgeon will never master. We are making ourselves a priority.

Weight loss is not a mystery.

And to celebrate the fact that all this non-battling has reduced my weight to the 160's--just 20 pounds away from my high school weight *sighs dreamily*--I thought I'd engage in a little self-indulgence and post another B & A:

Here's me in March 2007 (that's Tura Satana on the right. Google her. She's all kinds of awesome.). Love the fat apron protruding under the jeans, and the fact that I seemed to perpetually sweat:

And here's me yesterday, working the jeans a little better. And, hey, those size 14 jeans are actually fitting loose now!:

I noticed while proofing this blog, I use a lot of terms in the past-tense, as if to suggest that my weight loss gig is over. It's not. I still have another 20-30 lbs to go. And I'll probably slip up again like last weekend. But that's ok. It's not so difficult that I cannot get back on.

Introduction

I started this blog as a way to motivate myself to continue a weight loss and fitness regimen that I began in earnest February 2008. So far, I've done fairly well and admit that bragging about my success is another reason I started this blog. Not because I'm vain (I am), but because reminding myself of what I did right will encourage me to keep going.

All of my life, I have been overweight. My smallest size was 12 but even then was brief--mostly in late high school and a couple of stray months between undergraduate studies and law school. My average size was 14. Then I graduated law school in 1998 and have been pretty much sitting at a desk since. As a result, my weight ballooned and I was busting out of the only size 20 pants that would still fit me. I don't know how high my weight got. I wasn't brave enough to weigh myself and face the truth. I also smoke and drank every night. So, yeah, there's that.

Back in early 2006, as I was nearing the midpoint between my 30's and age 40, I realized I had to do something or the weight gain would continue. I started a vague program of exercising and watching what I ate. While I had good intentions and it definitely helped me from at least gaining weight, it wasn't well-structured. I started by buying an exercise bike and pedaling for 15 minutes, 3-4 days a week. I switched from greasy, saucy lunches to turkey sandwiches and soups. However, I was drinking wine every night. I was still smoking (I did later quit the following year). And I scarfed food like a Roman bulimic on the weekends. I just assumed that 15 minutes of exercise every other day was going to cancel out the other bad habits. Ahhhh...one of many delusional tricks that my subconscious pulled on me.

Things came to a head last February '08 when I became ill with the flu and went to the doctor's office. After stepping on the medical scale, the nurse announced that I weighed 220 lbs. This was the first time I weighed myself and it put me in utter shock. Up 'til this point, I tricked myself into thinking that I was losing weight and just had to be under 200 lbs. I went home and weighed myself again on my crappy Homedics bathroom scale. Even worse--it said I was at 230 lbs! I had no choice but to admit that my weight loss plan needed urgent and extreme tweaking if I was ever going to lose weight. By "no choice" I mean I had no more excuses. Continuing to do the same thing but expecting a different result was indeed--as they say--insanity.

Immediately, I did the following:

1. Cut down the drinking to no more than two carefully measured 4 oz. servings of my beloved wine a day. I later cut out all weeknight wine.

2. Amped up my workouts as follows, beginning at 6:00 every morning:
a. 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week
b. 15 minutes abs every other day
c. 15 minutes lower body (butt, thighs, glutes) alternating days

d. 15-20 minutes weight lifting 5 days week (different muscles alternating days)

3. Maintained a food diary by logging my daily calorie intake on the website The Daily Plate.

4. Reworked my food intake. No, I didn't join Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers or get on the Atkins Diet or whatever. Rather, this involved intuitive eating and common sense: serious portion control and only eating until I was satisfied, not full. For instance, I no longer ate everything on my plate when eating out. Instead, I took half of it home. No soda or other sweet drinks, just water and green tea and some juices to get my needed potassium and other womanly nutrients. I monitored my daily calorie intake to make sure I was burning off more calories than was being ingested. It really was disarmingly simple. I cannot rationalize my way around that formula. Nope. Plus, I still got to eat what I wanted, just in reasonable amounts.

Despite my past excuses ("oh, I have a bad thyroid;" "boo hoo, my metabolism went down the shitter since I quit smoking;" "now, I couldn't have eaten that much."), the weight came off.

I have stuck with the workout schedule. It is like a habit now, a part of what I must do every morning before going to work, like showering and doing my makeup. It is so ingrained that I feel like crap if I don't workout that day. I guess what they say about 21 days is true.

I am not sure how much weight, exactly, that I lost since I started. There was initially at least a 10-lb discrepancy between my home scale and the doctor's scale, and my home scale is wonky (per my Wednesday Weigh-In, I was at 175). But I know that I lost at least 60 lbs. over the last 11 months.

I am now down to the same size I was since I got married 14 years ago, and can fit in that dress again:

Here I was at Geneva-On-the-Lake in the summer of 2004, after gorging myself on ice cream and various other boardwalk junk food:

BEFORE

And here I am just this past summer at the same resort:

AFTER

I do still have a way to go. My goal is to lose at least another 30 lbs. Lately, it seems harder to lose those last pounds and I have hit a plateau. Indeed, I haven't lost any weight at all since mid-November 2008, despite maintaining the exercise and calorie control. Of course, this is quite common, and I'm working to step up the workouts. But, it's difficult and very frustrating to have lost that momentum.

In future blogs, I will discuss what I am doing to improve my fitness and diet, and offer anecdotes on my past experiences. I will report my Wednesday Weigh-Ins. Why not? I've already embarrassed myself here. But mostly, I will probably bitch and complain and obsess.

Now, let's see how 2009 plays out....