The Year in Review

It just dawned on me that I've been blogging for a year now. Officially, the blogiversary was Jan. 8th. Funny how I just wrote earlier this week about letting go of the past to move forward, but then I'm reminded of a poignant line from one of my favorite films, Magnolia: "We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us." This part of backwards reflection is acceptable, though, because it represents progress and not regression. So, I'm all for it. Another exception to the exception. Or whatever.

When I started the blog, I weighed 175 lbs. Prior to that, I was "on my own" with the weight loss and did quite well, losing about 75 lbs. before I hit a plateau in early November 2008. I figured blogging would give me the boost I needed to reignite the engine. And it seemed to do the trick. Over the last year, I lost 32 pounds. I went from a size 16/14 to a size 8 (sadly, these prized size 8 Calvins I'm sitting in are now loose in the ass and thighs and will need to be retired within the month.).

Here is an illustrated review, because one can never get enough mileage out of an outfit as tragic as this:

The gut that lingered in early '09 is now gone. The back boobs are ghosts. As is the sagging jaw line. My arms, chest, back, shoulders and thighs are toned and strong. On the down side, I went from a D cup to a barely-filled B cup. So long, boobies. But, the posture is pretty solid...probably because I ain't top heavy no mo'.

This past year has been a hybrid of weight loss and maintenance rehearsal. I'd lose, then gain, maintain, lose again and maintain. I get it. I more than get it. I embrace the way I eat, and can't imagine a day that goes by without exercising. I have even worked out when sick. It is a part of normal life. I like this new normal.

Here is a list of what has happened over the past year:

NEW SHIT

1. I took up running this year. On purpose. For the first time ever. I loved it. Then my knees said, "F**k you." I still gaze longingly at the joggers who brave even bad weather to get a good run in. I don't get pissed when they're in the street. I understand them now.

2. Related to #1, I got athletic shoes. On purpose and not because high school gym class required them. Though butt ugly, they were the single best purchase I ever made. I still wear them when I do my Jillian workouts and they serve me well on the fitness trail dates with Bobzilla.

3. I manage stress much, much better. It was not uncommon for me to have a meltdown during a stressful day at the office, dealing with family, etc. That has changed dramatically over the past year. I have learned to care less, and it's become ingrained. I talk myself out of blowing up and certain things that used to get under my skin (bad drivers, idiocacy, etc.) just don't bother me so much any more. While this may be related to my commitment to stop caring, I'm pretty sure the exercise and healthy eating has a major role in this. Even Pat Robertson's insane rant about Haiti has barely raised my pulse. I'm sure I'm passionate about something...oh God, I hope I'm not dead.

4. Showing skin. I tried on, bought, and wore a two piece swimming suit this summer. Collectively, I have never done all three things before. My boudoir wardrobe has quadrupled. I also did a fetish photo shoot and love the pictures. No, they won't be posted here. Let's just say I look pretty hot in black vinyl and rubber.

5. I am a morning person. *gasp* I am in bed at a decent hour. Usually no later than 10:00 p.m. Then I'm up no later than 6:00 a.m. for the morning workouts. Before this, I used to crash at late hours, usually after 1:00 in the morning.

6. Workout videos. Never thought I'd do them. In my mind, workout videos were made to be laughed at, not useful. Jillian proved me wrong.

7. Organic, free-range eating. Our diet is now almost all organic and free range. I make most of my lunches. I don't eat meat usually when we go out. All produce, juices, coffee/tea and grains in our kitchen are organic. Our meat and dairy come from ethical, humane sources, and absolutely no hormones, GMO's, or antibiotic-laden foods. Do they help you lose weight? Not by themselves. But once you become aware of what you put in your body, it is a natural extension to eliminate ALL crap. I'd rather spend a few extra cents on organic food than spend the money on a restaurant meal.

8. It's ok to be narcissistic. I had a hard time blogging at first. I don't like talking about myself. I am self-conscious about the use of too many "I's" in a sentence, written or spoken. I got over myself and accepted that blogging is about me. And that's ok.

WHAT I LEARNED

1. Happiness has nothing to do with weight. When I created the above photo montage, I was struck by an implicit message I might be sending, that the person I was in July 2007 was someone to be abhorred or pitied. That is totally wrong. When that picture was taken on that rad summer morning, I was happy. Notice the blush on my cheeks. I was getting ready to spend the day with my best friend and couldn't wait to get going. I was not in a cesspool of misery when I was obese. I enjoyed life then, and I enjoy life now. Losing weight is not a talisman. Sure, I feel healthier and happier, but I also didn't put all my emotional eggs in the weight loss basket. You find and take pleasure where you find it. It is not something that should be denied until you reach an ideal physical condition. I think this is why I've been able to stick with this slow weight loss process, which has lasted over three years. You don't stop living, loving and laughing just because you're fat. Losing weight won't cure problems.

2. There is no "done." Eating healthy and exercise is not a temporary thing. I have accepted that I will--and must--workout almost every day, for the rest of my life. I can't go back to eating at the deli downstairs in my office building. Taco Bell is garbage and always will be. That's it.

3. 99% is mental. No more dwelling on past pain and issues. No more yearning to eat bad things I used to think would give me pleasure. On the flip side, there is no over-thinking to this. Talking too much about losing weight will just bring you down. It's like verbal padding or filler. At some point, you have to get up from the computer and just exercise, just live.

4. Oil and fats are ok. Some olive oil and fats are good for, and necessary to, clean and healthy eating. For some reason, this was a hard one for me to overcome, but I've finally leveled out and have reached an amicable living situation with grease.

5. The scale is not the final arbiter of progress. The scale is not God. Do not revolve your life around its judgment, and certainly do not assess the status of your health by that fickle fiend. Time and commitment will see you through. I regret not taking measurements, because I am shrinking more than the scale says I am losing over the last 3 months. Plus, endurance, tone and overall emotional and mental well-being cannot be measured by the scale. Nor can trying on jeans at the store.

REINFORCING THINGS I ALREADY KNEW

1. No deprivation. Chocolate, ice cream and cheese are not no-no's. Wine is chilling for my consumption as I write this. I had french fries earlier this week. We will be eating at Melt Bar 'n Grilled tomorrow for brunch.

2. Pets are not very bright. Despite repeated injuries, my cat still sticks his face in the bike pedal as I'm spinning. He must like it.

3. Keep the tata's restrained. Don't ever, ever try to work out without proper restraint. I suppose the same thing applies to men's goods. I wouldn't know. Thank God I avoid the gym.

4. Twenty to thirty minutes of exercise, even daily, is not enough for long-term weight loss. Suck it up.

5. Jillian had a prior career operating a BDSM dungeon. Perhaps even a chain of them.

Ok! Off to pour myself an anniversary toast. Here's hoping this weekend's indulgences don't bite me in the ass!