Happy Halloween!

On this most sacred of holidays (and Pickle's 9 month birthday), wishing ya'll a Happy Halloween.

I got no swag to offer as part of a give-away contest except for leftover Trick or Treat "fun-size" calorie bombs, but mad geek props go out to anyone who can guess the our costumes:

Gotta run.  Pickle's first Trick or Treat outing is in 6 hours!

I'm Not Fat Yet.

I didn't get fat again, despite popular assumptions about prolonged absences of bloggers in this particular community.  *lolz*  Current stats are on the sidebar  (155.6 lbs).

My blog was looking pretty wrecked and it took me a while to figure out how to fix it so that the sidebar appeared where it should and whatnot.  But I'z smart and I eventually figured it out.  Go me.

Pickle turned SIX MONTHS old recently.  Holy shit.  Half a year.  Seems like a lifetime, but what an amazing half year it has been.  I can devote a whole blog to poop and boobs alone.  Which I may do.  But not now.

One thing about raising an infant is that time is limited and precious.  "Thank you, Captain Obvious," right?  It's not that I have no time, but I do have to spend it wisely.  I have 90 minutes or so in the morning to get my daily shit together before I go into full on Working Mama Mode.  That means I have two options:

1.  Blog about how I don't have time to work out; or
2.  Work out.

I chose Option 2.  And the Work Out option works out.  Even when Pickle gets up early in the morning, I have found ways to incorporate Mommyhood into my fitness regimen:

See?  He works out (tummy time, rolling, playing) while I work out.

He is also useful as an extra set of weights.

I have so much more to blog about, but I don't have time.  And these veggies and hummus sitting on my desk aren't going to eat themselves.  I will still be popping in from time to time (who knows, maybe even more frequently than once every 4-5 months), but for now, ciao!

P.S. --I also had to change my side-bar "about me" to reflect the fact that I am no longer "30-something."  Hello middle age, nice to meet ya!

P.S.S. (or is it P.P.S.?)--Hang in there, Lacey.  He's in good hands and you'll be with him soon.

Home Stretch: Bring on the Chocolate and Bacon

I have the best excuse in the world for not blogging for 8 weeks. Really, this pregnancy card gives me a free pass to do (or not do) anything, short of a 2nd degree felony. So why not play it, right?

This baby is going to make his entrance in less than a month. Less than a month. Am I ready? Probably not, but Bobzilla and I have sure worked hard to get ready. Multiple childbirth and childcare classes. Furniture set up. Clothes and bedding washed. Baby gear acquired and in place.

It helps that we have been the recipients of such overwhelming generosity by family, friends, clients, associates, even strangers. Otherwise, we'd be less than broke.

The baby shower was...wow:

This remains a very healthy pregnancy. Perfect blood pressure and weigh gain. Baby Vincent is strong, healthy and active. He's developing at the rate he should be. I'm kind of annoyed that my "advanced maternal age" is the reason I have to be strapped to a monitor for an hour every week, but Vincent's strong and healthy heartbeat is the sweetest "fuck you" that this old lady can give to those over-zealous geezer haters at the midwifery department.

I'm eating healthy, well, ok, probably 70% of the time. But give me a friggin' break. I have to eat more carbs and, well, when baby wants chocolate and cheese, he gets chocolate and cheese.

Still staying active. Here's what an 8+ month pregnant woman of "advance maternal age" looks like doing cardio:

...OK, you know how I was talking about how generous everyone's been? Just now, a friend showed up at our front door bearing bags of baby clothes. Sweet! I swear, when you become a first time parent, it's like you're automatically initiated into this elite club that you never knew existed before spawning. I likey.

I'm now at 36 weeks, about 9 months knocked up.



Final countdown!

Current craving: Spicy hot cocoa. Thankfully, the generosity of a friend has come through once more.

Happy New Year!

28 Weeks Later

It's been, what, 6 weeks since my last blog post? Despite my plan to slow down in October, things have been everything but slow and casual.

Here's the breakdown:

1. I lost my mom. It's ok, tho. We knew it was coming. She was elderly, suffered from dementia and had been sick for a while. I said goodbye to her two years ago.
   
   
2. I lost a good friend suddenly. That was not so easy to take.
   
   
3. Stupid gestational diabetes screening threatened to derail my natural childbirth plans. I blew a 180 on the first sugar test. 180!! So I had to carb load for 3 days, (150 grams a day!), fast for 12 hours and do the 3 hour blood sugar test. And, go figure, I passed the 3 hour test. I no has diabeetus! But that time period in between the first and second blood test put me in an emotional tizzy, as I was worried that I was diabetic and would be put on the C-section train.
   
   
   
   While I'm relieved things turned out ok, what a flawed testing system! It demonstrates how eating healthy will actually result in a false high blood sugar reading, causing unnecessary follow up work, unrealistic dietary changes and anxiety. After all, how else is the body supposed to react when it's forced to ingest 50 grams of glucose in one shot, when it is not used to even half of that amount of carbs/sugar in any 12 hour period? And how ironic that one way to pass the sugar test is to ingest an assload of carbs/sugar. Kind of calls into question the whole "low carb" way of eating.
   
   
   
4. Bobzilla started his own film blog. This means that we've been going to movie screenings about twice a week, usually at 7:30 at night on a school night.
   
   
5. Marathon shopping for maternity & baby room stuff. It took a week of driving all over Cleveland just to find the right dresser. We could probably stand to be less picky.
   
   
   
6. Speaking of the baby room, we spent 3-4 days moving around furniture, baby proofing, packing and hauling stuff in the attic to make room for baby.
   
   
   
7. Sis had her baby!
   
   Xavier arrived after only, like, 5 minutes of push time. I hope I have a super vag like her come delivery time.
   
   
8. Bob and I went on our last "babymoon," staying an extended weekend with my BFF in the Pen Mar blue ridge mountains. Le sigh. We all entered the annual Pumpkin Cooking Contest, using recipes we were perfecting since late summer.
   
   
   Bob's pumpkin pizza took third place!
   
   
   My pumpkin & cream cheese baklava took second place!
   
   
   Bridgie's pumpkin & mango curry was delicious, but did not place. She got skunked.
   
   
   
9. Two Halloween weddings in one day. Whew! One of them was a costume reception. Here we are, as Rosemary (and her baby) and the Devil (proud papa):
   
   
   
10. Reconnecting with lots of good friends. Ben. Alan and Margie and their uber babies. Christie and Tony. And LOTS of visits with Vincent's grandparents, who are probably more excited than we are. However, Bob suspects they are just using us to have some one-on-one time with Goji, who is really their favorite grandchild.
    
    
    
11. Zombie walk. Again.
    
    
    
    And it doesn't look like things are going to let up this month, either. Just this week alone, we are busy every day. We start our first weekly childbirth class tomorrow night. They're 3-hour sessions after work. Ugh. More movie screenings. Funeral on Friday, followed by a memorial on Saturday. I also have to find time to cook some GF desserts for the baby shower/Hell-has-frozen-over party, which--holy shit--is this coming Sunday!
    
    Sure glad we did absentee voting this election.
    
    And after that? Bi-weekly prenatal appointments, more baby classes (CPR, breastfeeding, daddy bootcamp, etc.), the holidays and BAM! Baby.
    
    

    BABY UPDATE:
    
    

    I am now in my third trimester, at 28 weeks. I can't believe we're almost 7 months along now! So far, this has been a healthy pregnancy. Vincent's growth is right on target, and his heart rate is going strong. Blood pressure is excellent, as are the bodily fluid tests and misc. prenatal checkups. No edema/swelling or bloat. I've now gained around 18 pounds and am steadily gaining a pound a week.
    
    
    

    
    

    I still maintain 90 minutes of fitness every morning, one hour of cardio + 30 minutes of strength/core exercises. In fact, I think the regular exercising has really helped during this pregnancy. While I definitely poop out at times, my energy level has been pretty good. The special prenatal core exercises I follow on Babyfit will, hopefully, prime this body for some effective and efficient baby popping in a couple months.
    
    My mood is strong, and I actually *like* carrying this parasite around. The belly and its jerky, jumpy, squirmy contents are an endless source of fascination for me.
    

    
    
    

    Downsides? My hair is growing wacky and fast. I've given up on regular haircuts and have accepted bad hairdays as the norm. I pee a LOT. Especially at night, so straight 7-8 hour sleep is a distant memory. Heartburn is practically constant, with the baby pushing up against my stomach. Gum and Tums help some. I just can't eat a full meal except on a few occasions. Instead, I nosh here and there constantly.
    
    I'd like to say I will get on top of all my blog following, but I just don't know if that's being realistic. While I still read many fitness and health blogs (waves at Shelley, Cammy, Trish, TJ, Patrick, Ariel, Fat Daddy, Bobbie) I am spending most of what little free time is left hanging out at Babyfit and reading baby books (4 of them are currently stacked on the toilet tank).
    
    Current food craving(s): Peanut butter with anything.
    

Oh yeah, about that ultrasound from 3 weeks ago...

We're having a boy.

His name is Vincent Christopher. Just don't call him "Vinnie." That's too Jersey Shore for my tastes. *shudders*

All genetic screening tests came back about as good as they could get, with like a 1 in a gazillion probability that he has an abnormality. His heart is strong, over 145 bpm. He is extremely active--I started feeling him kick and squirm from the outside of my tummy at 19 weeks. Bobzilla felt him move last night. *gushes*

He has both brain hemispheres, all organs and is growing ahead of his gestational age. So despite my initial concerns about not gaining enough weight, he's getting what he needs and is thriving.

Speaking of weight...I am now 10 pounds heavier! About friggin' time. Had a growth spurt over the last 10 days or so. In just the last 3 weeks, I gained over 5 pounds!

And the belly keeps expanding. I now use it as a laptop rest. The laptop sometimes jiggles from the baby kicks. *lolz*

My sister, who is due in THREE DAYS, tells me that her boy is so fidgety and powerful that he can steer the car. Yikes!

Physically, I feel better than I have since early May. I am less tired overall and am more mentally focused.

On the other hand, my stamina for physical activity has gone down. I still work the bike an hour every morning, but not at the same speed or intensity because I overheat quicker. Bobzilla and I go to at least one show a week, and standing for more than 30 minutes or so is now a real drain. We often leave early, or I pace the club looking for a place to sit and sip my club soda and lime. We went to see an old band of his last Thursday, where I sat on the barstool all night and kept watching the clock wanting to go home. I like seeing our friends, but I feel less sociable because of this. Don't think I can keep doing that sort of thing and may be staying home a lot more beginning October. Which is fine. It'll give me time to engage in wacky nesting behavior that all the mommy friends tell us will hit this trimester. And catch up on Breaking Bad--I really want to watch that show!

I can't wait for my nephew Xavier to make his introduction early next week! My sis has an induction scheduled for the 21st. Wow. An appointment to have a baby. Craziness.

This week's food craving: Watermelon. Still.

Update...Yowza.

Wednesday Weigh In 6/...oh, wait. Nevermind.

Not having to report weekly weigh-in results has un-tethered me to this blog. I haven't posted in, what, 3 weeks?

I've been leading a pretty intense jury trial which finally concluded today with the verdict, which took the jurors 2 days to deliberate. The result? A King Solomon where both sides got something. Now, I have about 3 weeks worth of backed-up work piled on my desk that I had to put aside while doing the trial gig. No big thang.

Staying fit and eating right during these hectic last few weeks was a bit of a challenge, but doable. Had to cut back my workouts to an hour each morning (hello, five a.m.!) and stuck with less-than-perfect cafeteria fare offered at the courthouse for lunch. All in all, I did pretty well. I'm actually below 138 pounds, which was a bit of a shocker to me.

Getting new suits in appropriate sizes was the bigger challenge. I hate spending money on clothes. Hate it. Most suits retailed at about $150 on clearance and I just couldn't cave. The single size 10 jacket I have hanging on my office coat rack wasn't going to get me through each day and it was looking pretty sad on me. I did have to buy a new jacket for $70 on clearance, and it brought tears to my eyes. Thankfully, Bobzilla took me to some consignment shops later and I scored a never-worn Ann Taylor suit, dress blouse and 2 jackets for about what I paid for that damn $70 dollar coat. Oh, and they're all size 6's. Yay me.

In between all the trial work, Bob and I snuck away for a 3-day retreat at my BFF's fabulous estate in the Maryland Blue Ridge Mountains. We tried Ethiopian cuisine for the first time. Loved it. As leftovers the next morning? Not so much. Miz BFF and I share a passion for vintage clothes and we spent Saturday night modeling some crazy 60's and 70's fashion, acting the fools.

Bobzilla got me this outrageous dress as a (23rd!) anniversary present earlier this month. The hippie chick in the bodice? She's showing nip. Both of 'em. No lie. I swear, this pattern must've also been used as wallpaper:


I need the perfect shoes to go with this dress. Preferably some shiny white babies with a chunky heel. Or maybe white boots.

My garden is growing out of control. Sadly, due to the unseasonably warm weather, the broccoli bolted before it even grew full size. On the upside, the tomatillos, lettuce and the prized jolokia pepper plant are thriving. There's gonna be some good eatin' in the house pretty soon.

My other BFF just ran her first 4k last weekend and I'm proud as a mama. It was freakin' hot that day, but she still pulled it off in 45 minutes. A-may-zing!

And Bob? Holy shit, he's been hitting the bike and weights practically every morning, on top of his runs with the dog after he takes me to work. What's significant about this is that he just does it without making a big announcement about it, like it's a noteworthy event. He's treating it like an everyday routine now. Kick. Ass.

In totally unrelated fit 'n healthy news, we've been watching the TV series The IT Crowd on Netlix Instant View. It may just be better than The Office. Perhaps it's because we relate much more intimately to the show given our own geek backgrounds.

Wednesday Weigh-In 5/19/2010 and BRB

140.4 pounds.

Bob had dental surgery Monday to get a new implant to replace the broken one. They gave him 12 shots of novocain (no shit!) and had to graft some skin from the roof of his mouth. Poor Bob! But he hasn't taken even one vicodin. What a manly man.

Still working out per usual. Still eating and drinking what I want, but with common sense.

I heart the new laptop now. Just need time to actually enjoy it.

Back to depositions after lunch.

Bye for now!

Wednesday Weigh-In: 5/5/10 & Dip Me In Honey And Throw Me To Anne Klein

Scale was at 141.6 lbs. Sooo close to permanent maintenance.

Regarding clothes shopping, I have HAD IT with most stores (Kohls, Penney's, etc.). Why does everything have to be a pregnancy shirt with hideous patterns? Reconnecting with vintage and consignment shops for clothes (which I will blog about. Some day.) has proven to be at least a temporary salvation. For example, this awesome Anne Klein denim skirt for $8. Yeah, that's right. And I couldn't even find a denim skirt at Kohls. Just "skorts." Ick.

But even more kickass? This baby is a size 6. SIX!



With room to spare.
Maybe it's vanity sizing, but I'm not ashamed to take a bite from that apple.

*BLOGGING BULLETIN*

Tricia, the undisputed Sultana of Snark & Wit, is on her way to amassing 300 followers. While I admit to posting this in the hopes of boosting my chances of scoring the goodies she's giving away, her blog is most certainly worthy of more exposure. If you haven't already, check her out and subscribe to her blog. You'll be hooked almost instantly, and it won't hurt a bit.

Wednesday Weigh-In 4/21/2010 and Gonna Kill Some Zombies--BRB

Wednesday I was down a little over a pound and a half, to 142.6 lbs.

Just a quick check-in, and them I'm outtie. This is my birthday weekend and today is the semi-annual ZOMBIE WALK, the funnest way to get in one's fitness. This time around, a small group of us are storming the walk as a zombie destroyer team. Ahhh...so much better than the NBA playoffs.

Hope everyone stays alive this weekend!

Wednesday Weigh-In 4/14/2010: The Late Late Late Edition

Wednesday, weighed in at 144.4 lbs. Down, what, half a pound or something? Does weight loss even matter any more now that I'm focusing more on strength training? No. But, I should probably still keep a record of my weight, what with accountability and all. Still, it's hard to resist the extreme reactions with a loss or gain. It shouldn't matter anymore. I'm slowly coming around to my emotional separation from the scale and adopting this new way of thinking.

I'm so late posting this because a) Tax Day. Last minute fire drills with the accountant had me sweating late Wednesday, but I'm happy to report that at least my '09 taxes are paid AND I took care of all of my estimated '10 taxes. For the self-employed, that is a "big deal."But even more importantly, b) it was Bobzilla's 40th Birthday!!

There was much planning and side schemes with a few friends to ensure that Bob's entrance into middle age was memorable. Here was the flyer I made a few months ago that sums up this weekend's plans (yeah, that's Bob as a kid, enjoying his passion--music. Probably Captain and Tenille. Maybe the Statler Bros.):

His band was Gimme Dat Shoe (local Clevelanders who grew up watching Superhost on TV will totally get that). They were awesome, as well as the other bands.

The highlight was Bob's birthday spanking. I went pretty easy on him compared to the other spankers.:

Here is the fertility painting featuring Godzilla, Frankenstein and Tura Satana that Lacey so lovingly painted for Bob:

Aside from the old man jokes and the gag gifts of Depends and Bengay, I am overjoyed to see him reach this rite of passage. When I was young, I always wondered what it would be like to "grow old" with him, not knowing what that really meant. I'm still not 100% sure where aging will find us, but I'm happy to put our 20's and 30's behind us and experience a new stage of life. Plus, he has managed to strike the perfect balance between maintaining maturity and stumbling around in adolescent oblivion. I love and respect and adore and worry about this man:

Wednesday Weigh-In: 4/7/2010 and I've Got Some Nice Garbanzos!

145.2. More of the same, more or less. There was no Easter cheatin' by way of chocolate eggs or bunnies or copious amounts of ham. I did share half a rotisserie chicken with Bobzilla, and our dessert was a GF strawberry shortcake--I supplied the fresh organic berries and homemade whipped cream, Mama Zilla supplied the GF cake. There is no shame in that.

My womanly cycle finally returned earlier this week in all its bizarrely gory glory, and Bob is getting excited about upcoming baby-making exercises. File that under TMI.

During one of our mega-shopping trips to Whole Foods, I bagged about 5 pounds of dried organic chickpeas with the idea we were going to make a lot of hummus and Indian food. BTW, once you go cooked-from-scratch chickpeas, you never go back to canned. Anyway, three months later and there is still about 3 pounds of chickpeas hanging around. Today I improvised and came up with a vegan chickpea salad that I could have for lunch. And it was no less than awesome. Even Bobzilla liked it, going for second dips after the first taste.

It is kinda, sorta like traditional chickpea salad, but I added some tahini to give it a creamy-but-vegan texture and generous amounts of cayenne pepper because its compulsory in our household.

Here's the recipe for...um, what shall I call it? Spicy Mediterranean Chickpea Salad? Sounds bland. Garbanzo Glee? Nope.

Anyway, here it is:

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup dried chick peas, soaked overnight

1 green bell pepper, finely diced

1 small or ½ large white or red onion, finely diced

2 medium roma tomatoes, diced

small handful flat leaf or curly parsley

2 small or 1 large clove garlic, crushed

1 tsp kosher salt

juice 1 lemon

2 TB Extra Virgin Olive Oil

1/2 TB tahini

1/8 tsp ground cumin

1/8 tsp cayenne pepper (I'd use more)

Ground black pepper, about 6-7 twists on the grinder

Drain chickpeas and thoroughly rinse. Put chickpeas in medium saucepan and add fresh cold water to pan, topping the beans by about 2 inches. Add a generous amount salt and boil. Reduce to simmer, cover and cook for at least 1 hour or until beans are tender and divine. More more water may need to be added during the cooking process, depending on how thirsty the beans are, so keep an eye on them.

While beans are cooking, chop up all vegetables, garlic and parsley and throw it all into large mixing bowl. In small mixing bowl, whisk together lemon juice, tahini, oil, salt, pepper and other spices.

Once beans are cooked, drain and rinse with cold water until warmish. Add beans to vegetable bowl. Pour dressing over top and toss until well-mixed. Adjust salt, pepper and spices to suit personal taste. Toss/stir each time before serving to properly distribute dressing.

Optional:

Add finely chopped jalapeno, cukes, kamut or cooked brown rice, feta cheese and/or olives.

So Now What?

Looks like I'm over the mini-pregnancy hump.

I finished the last of the antibiotics and the 800 mg-of-motrin-every-6-hours regimen that was wreaking havoc on my stomach and bowels. My gut cramped when it was empty, and cramped up again when I did eat something. The pre-natal vitamins with the "magical" iron side effects are out of my system.

Prolonged bathroom episodes and other unmentionable symptoms of a uterus turning itself inside out and violently puking are, for the most part, gone. Par-tay!

Any resemblance between me and Ozzy are purely coincidental.

So what now?

Well, there's no point in spilling my emotional guts any longer here, is there? Nope. So, no more sobby blogging about what was and what coulda been and what was lost.* The best therapy?

EXERCISE.

A return to the old workout routine this week has proven to be quite therapeutic, albeit a little painful. On early Monday morning, I popped in Jillian's Fat Blast/Boost Metabolism DVD. This was the first time I did this 40-min. workout since January. And, whoa. My legs, abs and shoulders were screaming the next morning. Fuck the pain. The following day? Back to Level I of the 30 Day Shred! Apparently, riding the recumbent bike and doing moderate resistance band training while pregnant really didn't maintain certain muscles, which atrophied during that brief Jillian hiatus. Who knew?

While temporarily painful, this return to high-endurance workouts was the single best, kindest thing I've done for myself lately. To sweat again, grunt, curse, breathe and just feel alive really made a difference in my mindset. This is a comfort that I could never find from junk food, sweets, alcohol or afternoon TV. With three + years of constant physical fitness and healthy eatin' in my routine, the good habits have become so ingrained that my brain is wired now to take pleasure from them. This gives me hope as I go into middle-age. I'm in a place where being physically active is its own drug. It's what my body craves and needs, and I can ably provide. I am past the point of no return.

And that's that.

Back to the Wednesday Weigh-Ins and all that crap next week.

In the meantime, I've been noshing on some excellent cauliflower salad and lentil salad from our local health food market, Nature's Bin. Definitely my go-to snacks for this weekend! Sadly, they did not have their infamous broccoli slaw. *sniff*



*Ok. A few things before I let this whole pregnancy miscarriage thing go.

Thank you, thank you for the thoughtful comments. The last post was a hard one to write. I felt that I needed to address what had happened before I could move on to normal blogging. I struggled with whether I should disable comments because of the frank and, well, personal nature of what I was thinking and going through. I'm glad I didn't.

I'm not looking to start an abortion debate, but I have to get this off of my chest:

Being faced with an unplanned pregnancy was a new experience that I often thought about, but was never fully prepared for. Before, I was a staunch Pro-Choice supporter. And I still am, even more so.

This was a tough, extreme experience that many readers have gone through already. It is one thing to advocate terminating a pregnancy. It is quite another to have to deal with it first-hand. It is the most difficult crossroad I ever had to deal with. I respect what every woman and couple have gone through. This is not a casual decision. I can't imagine what it's like for a pregnant woman who, for instance, isn't in a solid relationship with a committed partner or who is pregnant as a result of abuse or incest. Therefore, I really cannot judge the decision of another woman in that position. It is a serious matter left for her alone to decide. She is dealing with complex issues, so being told what she decides may be morally "wrong" is cruel and pointless. She is going through enough already. Let her be.

It is not a matter of being pro-life or not. Frankly, what I had in me was not a "life" per se. It was a potential for life. What I learned from my doctor is that many pregnancies--as much as 50%--end in miscarriage. And in my case, that potential for life fizzled. It was not viable. Having to carry the bad pregnancy and wait for the miscarriage to "just happen " was more emotionally, physically and financially dreadful than just terminating it early, to wit:

1. Early term abortion. Less than $500. Minimal medical intervention and physical trauma. Greater psychological closure. Done and done.

2. Carrying a non-viable pregnancy for another 6 weeks. Five ultrasounds, doctor's visits (where doctor keeps encouraging us to hold on and keep going, despite bad ultrasound results and non-existent hormone blood work that I was still charged for) and lab costs are over $3,800.00. The emergency hospital treatment for the miscarriage alone is totaling $3,200.00 so far, and that was just for one evening. Medication and vitamins, about $150.00. Preliminary monetary total, about $7,150.00 for medical costs. Emotionally, an extreme rollercoaster where we accept, reject and accept again the pregnancy, and then are informed it ain't happening--something we had suspected from the beginning.

Wednesday Weigh-In and Boosh!

Still at 143.00 Exciting, eh?

This past week ranks as one of the top ten most anxious, eye-popping, face-in-palm, bite-through-my wrists week of my life. Work. Health. Family. Accountant. Office. Some good. Some bad. Some wtf?!

Yeah.

May not be around much over the next couple of weeks. Or maybe I will. Maybe I'll paint landscapes. Or get another tattoo.

Wednesday Weigh-In: 1/27/10 & Shtuff

I was at 143.00 again yesterday. Fine by me. The scale today actually has me at a lot less, but whatever. I'm getting used to the fact that there isn't going to be much excitement with the scale anymore, unless I purposefully start gaining weight or come down with a terminal illness. Instead, the focus has been on toning and shit.

Didn't get a chance to post the weigh-in earlier because a.) I found out my sister is pregnant. And probably twins. Her first daughter just turned 18. So she has another 20 years of parenting, squared. Yowza! b.) I had to go along with Bob to watch a screening of the new flick When In Rome yesterday. It was horrible and put me in a downer mood the rest of the evening.

I blew my right knee. Again. I put Jillian back in her cage for now and have gone back to my usual 60 minutes of recumbent biking and 30 minutes or so of fun with resistance bands. I still do her knee-friendly-ish core circuits, tho. They rock.

So the H1N1 vaccine (or the "hynie shot" as Bobzilla calls it) is now available at our local pharmacy. We were going to get them yesterday but I wussed out. Even a one in a million chance of a horrible reaction is enough to set off my anxiety alarms. We'll try again today. If I don't post something within the next 7 days, that means I'm probably dead.

Best Weight Loss Tool Evah!

If you find yourself seduced by the next hamburger ad or sexy-looking frozen pizza box at the grocery, go to this website first:

Food In Real Life

It will give you the bitch slap of reality needed to pull you back from the edge.

Wednesday Weigh-In: 1/20/10 and Don't Look Back

First, the minor stuff. I'm at 143.00 today. Deja vu. I know that number. I think I met it at a pre-holiday party last month.

Been feeling blog-fatigued lately. Haven't read or commented much lately. Just zoning out here. Mostly due to an assload of work that has formed what will probably be a permanent "11" between my brows.

On the workout front, I'm back up to Level Three with Mistress Jillian. I have a few especially tasty, profane words in mind that would aptly describe the "traveling pushups" and the uber-painful circuit of mountain climbers immediately followed by bouncing sumo squats. Now, while the workout is difficult, I still don't feel I'm getting enough cardio in. So I hop on the bike for 30 minutes, which is a breeze compared to the aforementioned torture.

Last week, I met with a friend at my office, and we discussed the cognitive behavior therapy class she's taking. Apparently, this type of treatment--which concentrates on helping to mold effective, goal-oriented behavior rather than analyzing the past--is extremely successful in treating obesity and even drug and alcohol addiction. As she was describing this form of therapy, a spark went off in my head. I think I know now why this weight loss thing has been successful and relatively easy:

YOU CAN'T MAKE PROGRESS WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING BACKWARDS

I'm no weight loss virgin. I have started and failed many times. Common with all those prior attempts was my tendency to think in terms of the past. This could be the immediate past or long-term life history. I dwelled on my bad family life growing up and the bad eating habits formed and reinforced decades before. I was fixated on my old life. For example, I would focus on the many types of crappy food I used to turn to for comfort. I even tied in what is arguably the worst childhood ever with my obesity. I was fixated on finding, analyzing and revisiting the how's and why's of my fat ass.

Did that help me? Uh, no. If anything, this type of thinking sabotaged my weight loss efforts because I (unintentionally) continued to identify my present self with my past self. This backwards thinking made me miserable and my attempts at weight loss impossible because I perceived attempts at "dieting" and exercise to be more difficult than they were or should have been. I would overreact to feelings of hunger or any desire, really, because I wanted immediate gratification. I was greedy and impulsive. When I fell off the wagon, it wasn't just a temporary thing--it turned into a long-term relapse. I made it unnecessarily difficult to get back on track because my response to a temporary fail was to panic, overanalyze what I did wrong and re-familiarize myself with the "old" me. Thinking about the old ways was all that I knew, it was familiar to me and certainly easier to deal with than making changes. If I screwed up once, it snowballed because, hey, why bother if the cat's already out of the bag? Doing new things, of course, is uncomfortable. It's hard to visualize, construct and nurture a goal when you're distracted by continuously looking backward.

This time around was different, though. I couldn't put it into words until after my friend session last week. But now I understand. I've been goal-oriented. I don't know if I hit my head in my sleep or what, but this time around I focused on what I wanted to happen. While the weight loss was slow, every week I lost a pound meant that I was no longer carrying that weight from my past. Once I accepted that this change is permanent, it became easier, over time, to think about where I am going as opposed to where I've been. I guess that's why I don't blog much about my former bad habits. I don't agonize about physical and emotional abuse in the family, or the painful losses. I don't describe in salacious detail the types of crappy food I used to put in my mouth. I don't want to talk about it anymore. When I get frisky with food (don't call it a relapse!) nowadays, I don't talk about or dwell on it either. What is the point?

I suppose this is why the Beck diet books are so popular. I avoided looking into that program because it seemed to "cultish" to me. I'm not a fan of "movements." While I'm not ready to drink the Beck kool-aid yet, this area is more than just a little intriguing.

....EXCEPT AS STATED HEREIN

Now hold up. I'm not a past-hatah. Actually, I've been finding renewed pleasure in old things lately, such as:

1. Vintage Clothing. What finally convinced me that current fashion designers are playing a joke on consumers is when I went shopping for sweaters and found that most of them were short-sleeved or sleeveless. Sleeveless sweaters? I had it, and returned to my roots: thrift stores! I scored some incredible finds, mostly from the 60's. Most of the vintage clothes are made of higher-quality fabric, and are tailored better to bring out a flattering shape. And the crown jewel was a woman's pimp blouse. Trust me, it works.

2. Peanut Butter and Jelly. My mother-in-law gave me organic, natural peanut butter and jelly for Christmas. I swear, it tastes better than what I remember. Even on carrots.

But there is an exception to the exception, as I discovered during my sickness:

Footloose is bad. Real bad. Especially the soundtrack. How did Loggins pull it off?

Oxygen is the best thing ever.

What was seemingly a harmless cold turned out to be one of the nastiest respiratory viruses to plague the household. Almost a week to the day after Bob got sick, I got hit. It started off innocently enough, but by Christmas Day, I was curled up in the corner leaking essential fluids from my throbbing head while the rest of the family pretended death wasn't creeping their way across the room:

A few days after that, and things got worse as the bug hit my chest. Breathing became the most important activity. I had to bid adieu to Jillian and attempted "gentle" workouts on the bike, but when breathing was too difficult, workouts were shelved altogether. I expelled copious amounts of unspeakable things from my lungs as I sat around feeling sorry for myself, watching five seasons of The Office on streaming Netflix and playing Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook as the dog whimpered at my feet over the lack of attention. Did I feed her? I can't remember.

Sleep was difficult due to the coughing fits. Prescription cough medicine helped, but it turned me into a dopey night zombie and plugged me up.

There were no shameless bouts of bingeing and celebration. My biggest treats over the two-week holiday marathon were a half dozen or so amaretti cookies, a glass of eggnog, Lemonheads and two pots of home made chicken soup (per Alton Brown's recipe, highly recommended). And some cheese. New Year's was dry...the first dry New Year's since '88, I think.

Last week, I started getting better and returned to the tough-love arms of Jillian, but I had to start back at Level 1. That was rough and I went back to the bike.

This week, I'm feeling near-normal and the coughing has subsided. Breathing capacity is at about 90%. So, yay.

The scale stayed steady at 143 during Christmas and New Years, then up to 147 (!) late last week, then down to 144.6 today. I can't really put much stock in those numbers, though, given the circumstances. Even if I were at a loss, it's not like a real victory anyway. The "official" weigh-ins will resume next week, assuming I successfully dodge future plague bullets.

On the plus side, Bob got me some sweet resistance bands for Christmas, which I have been using and LOVING. There is an element of danger to using them. I can't help but think one of the plastic clasps will break, causing a band to whip across my face and take out an eye. And a tooth or two. So, it makes my workouts that much more badass. Rawrrrr!

I've been lurking and reading many blogs, but haven't the time or energy to catch up in one fell swoop. I am energized by so many bloggers' new-found commitment to a fit and healthy New Year, as well as others' continued success (and reasonable bitchiness!), and look forward to following their progress.

And the new season of Biggest Loser has started already. Dammit.

Thanksgiving Weekend Breather

First off, my weight last Wednesday was 145.6, back exactly to what it was 2 weeks ago. I didn't have time to post a Wednesday Weigh-In and update, between office wind-up and food prep. I'm more interested to see what the scale says next Wednesday.

Thanksgiving itself was pretty great. We spent it with Bob's family and it was actually one of the best Thanksgivings we have shared. I handled the turkey and pumpkin squares (made from scratch...including the pumpkin itself), Bob made his GF mac 'n cheese, and his mom pretty much slaved over everything else. The turkey (which I had brined the day before) came out especially tasty and juicy. There were no food disasters or kitchen mishaps. This was also our dog's first Thanksgiving, and she was very well-behaved and goofy. She was the centerpiece of the day.

No, I didn't pig out. But I have a weakness for the gamey dark meat. And Sandi's cranberry orange jello mold. A peek at the scale the next day showed zero gain, so that's good.

For Black Friday, we avoided the big box stores and chains, and instead stuck to all local shops and artists. The highlight was hitting up the Bazaar Bizarre, featuring some of the most unique, neat-o wares by local DIY artists. Artisan glass, found object wearable art, scarab jewelry made from watch gears, marshmallow soap...I was overwhelmed by such talent. And THE coolest T-shirts I ever saw, designed and sold by Psycho Reindeer. I couldn't resist picking up a shirt for myself:

Today, we went to the newly-restored Capitol Theatre and saw The Fantastic Mr. Fox. It was fantastic. Tonight, Master Chef Bob made Vindaloo (basically, Indian hash) from some of the 10 pounds or so of leftover turkey. It was quite tasty:

Yeah, Goji wasn't too far from the turkey. She's developed quite a taste for it. Our cats don't much care for turkey, but this dog goes apeshit for it and will actually go through her whole repertoire of tricks without being commanded to do so. Impressive.

And tonight we are staying in and watching some DVDs, starting off with a zombie movie to get into the holiday spirit. Tomorrow, we'll be taking Goji to the park for a run and some frisbee action. Later, we'll be putting up the holiday decorations and tree, which will no doubt be destroyed by Monday. Goji was already trying to pull down the (empty) pet stockings that I just hung on the mantle.

Still working out every day (except Sunday). I'm up to Level Two on the Jillian shred, which I alternate every other day with the other Jillian vid, with an extra 30 minutes on the bike for cool down. Yeah, the bike's a cool down. It's my recovery after those got dam walking push-ups, plank jacks, squat thrusts and lunges w/bicep curls. *shudders*

For Shelley.....