Friday, March 20, 2009

Fitness Trail Blazer...Not.

As I had mentioned somewhere in this blog earlier (comments? a prior posting? I get many of these senior moments), I hit the fitness trail with Bobzilla last weekend. It was a beautiful day and I needed a shot of Spring in my system. Plus, I wanted to do something different from my everyday routine, to shake things up.

Well, I shook things up all right.

This fitness trail, located at the Rocky River Reservation, is a lot more challenging than it looks. Which is a good thing. The main idea behind the fitness trail is that you hike about two miles, stopping at intervals at these "exercise stations" to do whatever craziness the sign instructs you to do. The seemingly innocuous exercise stations turned out to be the deadliest.

For instance, this station featured rings that you are supposed to hang from loosely and then swing yourself in a circular motion for 10 to 15 sets to work the upper arms. Here's Bob trying to maintain his coolness while swinging like a monkey:

Yes, it looks simple. And it was fun. But my arms burned for days afterward. Poor Bob could barely carry the groceries or raise his hand to pet a kitteh. Tragic.

Vault jumps were another sadistic feature. Bob handled them much better than I did:

...and by that I mean I didn't do them at all. I'm not crazy. I know when something screams "x-rays." I have a keen sense for hypothetical sports injuries, like knowing not to touch a hot stove.

I did much better on the jumping jacks (duh), sit-ups (inclines and level), these wooden posts that you're supposed to step up on using one leg at a time, and the leg-over shown below. I was feeling the burn! But, studying the sign and what I was actually doing, my form was off. Still.....

The fitness trail also was a source of great revelation, namely that despite all of my strength training, I cannot do a single pull-up. Not one. So, we're going to install a pull-up bar at home. Man, our place is going to look more and more like a twisted fitness BDSM chamber.

In other news:

  • I broke one of my molars a few weeks ago and finally got it fixed by the dentist this morning. The visit was a little painful because the tooth fracture was close to a nerve,(which is weird, because I did not experience any pain at all when I broke it), but now I have a shiny "new" tooth surrounded by throbbing, aching, swollen gums. It's gonna be a hummus and soup weekend.
  • Bob's band is playing out at the Spitfire tonight, for any Cleveland hoodlums that want to congregate and groove.
  • Bob and I are both getting athletic shoes this weekend. Our hipster days are officially over.
  • On the plus side, we are off for a mini-vaycay to San Antonio/Austin in a couple weeks. I don't suppose anyone knows of any healthy, low-fat BBQ joints? No? Really?


  1. I dunno, your form looks pretty good.

    I love the exercise station concept! My local park has one in the center, and I've just started using it. I'm kind of self-concious about it, though.

  2. Yeah, I couldn't do the fitness trail alone. I think it's natural that us geeks are more comfortable doing embarrassing public displays in packs.

  3. lmao @ several things, among them "something screams xrays"

    Teeth suck! It always reminds me of this Ren and Stimpy episode where Ren had this bad tooth and the stink would like float out of his mouth, and the flys that were on the cat turds in the litter box got grossed out. Sorry, that doesn't help really does it?

    Our house looks like a kinky BDSM chamber too. We have the big stupid ugly home gym thingy, elliptical, sit up roller thing (that sucks don't buy one) etc. I have never been able to do a pullup. I sucked so hard at the Presidental Fitness Challenge in gym class, it's not funny.

    Oh and Sugar Gliders are like the cutest little marsupials evah! Except they can be really gnarly if you don't get a handtamed one. Oh and they are pretty stupido, not so bright! But they're cute! And that's all that counts right?

    Dang, this is like my longest comment ever!

  4. I used to live in SA, and I can assure you that the closest you will get to "healthy" BBQ is Rudy's - their smoked turkey is awesome. Too bad you're not coming a little further east or we could meet up for lunch! Have a great vacation!

  5. That is so cool. I don't think we have any fitness trails by us. I will have to look into it. Great post. And your form looks great. We have a municipal park by us that I run my own torture stations with the built in equipment like picnic benches and stairs. Sorry to hear about your tooth, I manage a dental office. Hope you don't need a root canal. Have a great weekend. Me and esquire to be are going to see Fleetwood Mac tonight Yay!

  6. The fitness trail is too cool. I'm reasonably certain we don't have anything like that, but you're making me think I should check. Because I live for self-torture.

    Hope your mouth feels better soon. I'm currently working up the courage, after an incredibly awful no-anesthetic root canal experience, to get back to the dentist. Sedation dentistry, anyone?

  7. Dina--I remember that Ren & Stimpy episode. Vividly. And I got one of those "stink holes" after having a wisdom tooth pulled a few years ago and got dry sockets because I was retarded and smoked right after the procedure and sucked the clot right out of the wound. You know what? No, your comment did not help at all. *snickers*

    Shelly--Thanks for the tip! I am in the right mental state to completely delude myself into thinking that smoked turkey is going to be healthy.

    Kristi--By bad form, I mean that I should have sat up straighter. But really, I mean the pouch that shows in the picture. At least that's a size medium hoodie. Oh god, I'm getting a complex. And I'm very jealous you're going to see Fleetwood Mac. They are one of my favorite guilty pleasure bands. I was lucky enough to see Lindsay Buckingham 2 years ago. He's so dreamy and is always on fire when he performs. *swoons*

    JB--Self-torture is the name of the game. I'm sending you a heartfelt "ouchie" on your bad dentist experience. Root canals give me chills.

  8. Great post! I think having "a keen sense for hypothetical sports injuries" is really, really smart!

    I have been trying to get to the point where I can do a pull-up for the last YEAR, and I still can't! (Doing "negatives" helps, but I HATE them and avoid doing them, which is a big part of the problem). Good luck on tackling them, and I hope you have more luck than I have so far. (I'm not giving up yet though!)

    (And next road trip we definitely have to think about Cleveland! I hear it "rocks"!)

  9. i like to make my own fitness trails....jumping over random stuff and climbing trees along the way. my boyfriend calls it freestyle walking...i call it a drunk walk home from the bar

  10. I only know of bad ass Texas barbecue: The Salt Lick. You have to bring your own beer though.