Saturday, August 1, 2009

Why, exactly, do we have little toes anyway?

Went shopping at A.J. Wright this afternoon and picked up two bags of clothing for $31.00, which contained:

3 bras
1 pair of Vera Wang (her perfume stinks) jeans
1 pair of Liz Claiborne (snob) workout pants
1 sports bra


I didn't try the clothes on because I was in a hurry, per usual. As it turned out, I got skinny jeans. *gasp* By accident. I'm wearing them. Size 10'ers. I gotta say, I'm not a fan of the skinny jeans. My ankles don't move so freely. While they lift my butt and thus cause Bobzilla to salivate, the jeans triggered strange tingling not unlike blood being cut off to my extremities. More importantly, I'm just too old for skinny jeans. They are best left on the bods of 20-somethings and emo boys with a surplus of white belts. I just don't want to die from blood clots. Ya know?

After that shopping blowout, we rushed home to meet the plumber who has been on a mission to discover why water keeps leaking under our bathroom. Fair enough. But, I kept telling the dude that the tub needed more grouting around the edges, but I'm a girl, so of course he bought supplies and did work that addressed everything but what was painfully obvious to anyone with a vag. And, of course, the leaking persists.

Goji had her first "accident" today. On one of our new bedroom rugs that bears a striking resemblance to grass. I don't blame her, and I'm not upset. I feel like we reached a milestone with our doggie, like we passed a real test. I spent tonight scrubbing the rug, beaming like a proud parent.

But, really, that's not why I'm blogging tonight. I am in serious pain, which in turn is pumping adrenaline into my system and keeping me up past my bedtime. The kind of pain you can only get when you drop a gallon Coleman thermos filled with fruit punch & ice on your little toe. Which is exactly what I did while preparing a Friday night munchie package for our drive-in date. Yeah, I crushed that little piggy. Crushed it real good.

The funniest--and saddest--thing was when I was searching the internets about broken little toes, and I came across a runner's message boards. Apparently, broken little toes are common. They just tape the suckers up and keep running like a broken bone is no big deal. Hard core.

So, the drive-in date was cancelled (bummer), and we stayed at home watching the rest of the first season of True Blood on DVD while my foot was propped up over the sofa. Oh, and this is why Gogi probably peed on our rug. We shoulda taken her out sooner, but I was boo-hooing over my toe. Bad parents!

My little toe looks like an undercooked blood sausage. I can't wait to see what it looks like tomorrow.

I have it taped to the neighbor toe, who doesn't appreciate the invasion of space. But I gotta do what I can to ensure I'm able to complete my workout tomorrow and then drive to Pittsburgh and attend this Slayer/Marilyn Manson concert that I promised my niece. Why, oh why, do the teenage nieces/nephews look up to us through those ridiculous cool shades? Do they not realize we are dorkier than the kids they shun at their high school?

So, I'm going to google "little toe" and "amputation techniques." I'm done with this already.


  1. This had me oohing and aahing and laughing. Little toes can be annoying but I find them to be so cute! lol.

    Am I wrong to assume youre watching season two of True Blood? How do you like it so far if so?

    Marilyn Manson!? You are brave, my darling.

  2. I broke the 3 middle toes when I was like 8 and I had to do crutches and the whole bit. I went to the ER and they just taped em up and sent me on my way. For something that hurt so effin bad, they sure were acting like it was no big deal. Every now and then, those toes will still hurt, and I'm all "SEE???" I sorry about your baby toe :( I know it hurts like a biiitch.

    Here's another topical story: My old bff was WAY into Slayer like a decade ago. On a whim, I went with her to see them cause they had an extra ticket. Man, I never felt so outta place in a sea of dyed black hair and pale faces. I was all blonde and red-faced and I was wearing a pink Simpsons t-shirt. Yeah, it was way awesome. So...have fun with that :) (wear black)

  3. Ouch! Little toes, vag-less plumbers and mosquitoes - who needs 'em?

  4. Good deal on all of the clothes for 31 bucks!

    Sorry about your baby piggy - I broke mine when I was pregnant and yes, there is nothing like a hugely pregnant woman waddling AND limping at the same time! Hope it feels better soon!

  5. I'm not a huge fan of wearing skinny jeans either, but I do think they look great on other people. I"m sure you look great in them!

  6. sorry about the lil piggie---OWCHCCHHH!!!!
    AJ Wright is my absolute favorite-est store ever!!! I may go today actually!
    I think Tricia is right, wear black to Slayer AND those skinny jeans!

  7. You need that little piggie cuz he's the one that goes wee, wee, wee all the way home.

  8. ohhhh you're coming to Pittsburgh!! have fun with traffic getting in to the post gazette pavillion...

    ohhh actually you're prolly here already... :)

  9. I'm a visual person. So first I see the rug, then the cooler on the jumping, howling in the toe again...raw with leg propped up searching internet...Bob bringing you anything with a sharp blade, bandages, blood...yikes, I am stopping right there.